When's the last time you took some time out for yourself? Whether it be meditating by yourself, having a coffee with a friend or date night with your partner, taking time away from your children is so important. You will feel more rested and less stressed, it is just another way to recharge. You will be more present, more patient and overall just a happier person. Quality time is much more important than quantity. We often get confused by thinking that the amount of time we spend with our children is what makes us better parents, however, quality is far more important. What you do and how you spend time with your children is far more crucial than spending all day, everyday with your kids. Hanging around them out of obligation and then feeling exhausted and not wanting to deal with them isn't the best way to spend time with your kids.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with making yourself a priority. We often feel guilty when we put our needs before our children's. However, we can't show up and give our best to our kids unless we do so. Our cup needs to be full if we are going to keep giving constantly, all day, everyday. Taking care of yourself shouldn't be a luxury, it's just an essential part of being a parent.
You are your child's number one role model. When you take care of yourself and make time for you, you are teaching your children that it is okay to put yourself first and how to have fun. You are teaching your children that you love them, but they are not your everything. When they grow up and become adults, you won't have lost yourself and you don't rely solely on them for your happiness. You know how to make yourself happy. You are their parent/caregiver, they are your children. That is the order of life. You love them, however, they are not your best friends because you already have enough of those.
Being a best friend to a parent can be exhausting. Children may automatically feel like they have a responsibility to make you happy. This is why it is our job to show our children we can be happy with and without them.
It doesn't have to cost a lot. It might be something as simple as taking 20 minutes to have a bath while hubby takes the kids to the park, or a quick meditation while everyones asleep in the morning. If it's between cleaning the kitchen or having a glass of wine and some down time, I know what I would rather do!
One of the hardest things I have had to learn is that it doesn't matter what the house looks like. Laundry, dishes etc, will eventually get done. The more time we take for ourselves the more energy we have to juggle all of these things.
I have noticed I become frustrated and resentful when I haven't taken time out for me. The hours, days and weeks all mesh into one and sometimes it'll be a couple of weeks before I realise I haven't done something for myself. My main priority is not losing myself. Especially because at the moment I am a stay at home mum. My house has become my work space. I find it very difficult to relax here. When I sit on the couch and look around, I see all the things I could be doing. To relax, I go for walks along the lake, or have a coffee in the park. Sometimes I just go outside and take some deep breaths. I used to love working out at home, or doing Yoga whilst watching youtube videos. Now, I find any reason I can to get out of the house.
Make taking care of yourself a habit! Schedule dates for catch ups, events, spa treatments, gym class or a run!
Don't apologise to your kids for going out. Instead of "I am so sorry I am leaving." Say "Mum is going out with her friends tonight but I will see you when you wake up in the morning". Be honest with your children. They can handle the truth and will be happy to see that you are happy.
Take turns with your partner to look after the children, or hand them over to the grandparents. This gives the kids opportunities to develop their relationships with different people.
START SMALL If you think you just don't have the energy or the time to see friends or go out. Take 5 minutes, do some deep breathing, meditate, read a book, lay down on the floor and do some stretches. Just do it for you. You will find the power in taking these small moments for yourself, and the difference it can have for you and your family!
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